Waiting and hopeful

by Evans Yonson

(Note: This piece was written in August 2005 while living in a university residence hall in Madrid, Spain.)

madrid – it’s barely 9 more weeks for the beca ending. people here at the dorm are slowly moving out. while i moved to another room, there are only 6 of us in the 3rd floor now and 15 vacant rooms. it used to be filled with becarios a month ago. how time flies so fast.

In a group of foreign nationals, the difference is easily lost when one gets the feeling of acceptance and understanding. How is it more different among fellow nationals? Is it really hard to see an identity in numerous similarities?

summer is unstoppable here in spain. and it’s taking forever to get to september. and it’s f**ckingly hot here. nobody told me that it could get to this hot… so hot!!!

i am still uncertain what lies ahead here in spain. i have anxiety attacks for the past week that i have been sleeping at 4AM and waking up 5 hours after.

should i stay? or should i go back? what’s keeping me here? i don’t want to end up waiting on tables. it’s not my cup of tea. and i don’t want to go illegal just to be here in europe. i dunno… am i just trying to justify the reason why i should go home? or am i just being idealistic about all these things?

honestly, i am afraid what might become of me here in spain. i have yet to ask my institute for an extension of my student residence card. but what’s next after that? i dunno….

the other day, i went to somosaguas (my campus) to print some more materials for my thesis. it took me 2 hours to get there and another hour coming back. and the drivers don’t even care about waiting for their passengers or that passengers are waiting for them. your patience will always be a virtue here especially during summer when everything gets so slow. real slow.

while waiting for the bus, i started writing the pros and cons of staying here or going back. i started weighing options and it is more likely that i am going back to the islands. i’m still on the process of coming up with a win-win situation. i hope in the next few weeks i could come to that point where i will have the best of both worlds.

i have not been traveling lately because i’m trying to save up for the rainy days. whatever that means. and as they always say the rain in spain stays mainly on the plain. i wanted to visit more cities and countries outside madrid but i’m thinking october 1 now. those can wait but the day after september 30 will always come.