Gaydar!

by Evans Yonson

Barcelona – Two Saturdays ago, the Black Saturday to be exact, a friend was visiting Barcelona. We have been walking endlessly that early Sant Jordi morning so we decided to take the metro to get her home. On our way out of the metro, a guy overtook us in our escalator ride. He glanced at me and I said, “hello!” He smiled back and said, “hello!”

"I AM A MAN" by Sharon Hayes, Tate Modern, London.

To cut to the chase, I invited the guy home. It was a game of your-court-or-mine thing. When he finally got to my place and before anything else becomes sexy, he paused and asked me a question.

“How did you know that I was gay?” he asked innocently.

I replied, “Gaydar!”

Sensing that he was surprised by my answer, I had to explain what the term means. It is the intuitive ability to assess someone else’s sexual orientation. This is where any Filipino is best at, a strong gaydar sense. But put any Filipino in any international gathering, his sense for the third sex becomes nil. The Filipinos gaydar sense is only limited to Philippine soil. It takes a lot of practice and keen observation to really say that one’s gaydar sense has reached international standards.

Not all effeminate guys are gays. If you sway your hips in any city in the Philippines, chances are, you are immediately branded as gay. If wearing make up makes one gay then the white race is doomed. The vocal chords are not the best signs of seeing someone as gay, although it’s not the Philippine case.

Not all gays are effeminate. Muscles are the in-thing beyond the Philippines. But it doesn’t mean that if you have muscles then you’re gay. No. No. No. If you workout and constantly check on the other guys in the gym, then you’re definitely queer.

Gaydar is definitely is a talent that is mastered over years of exposure among and between homosexuals. The old cliché is best applied for beginners, “it takes one to know one. When in doubt, another cliché is very effective, “birds of the same feathers flock together!”

But a word of caution, “birds of the same feathers are birds. Definitely not gays!”

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