Pausing for a while

by Evans Yonson

Barcelona – Sometimes in our lives we come to a point when we want to do nothing but stop and get away from it all. When there are so many things in our minds that keep us busy day and night, we simply want to pause and think.

When do we know if we have come to that point or not? Or do we wait when these stuff overpower our physical and mental capacities?

At 41, I have gone through a lot of pain, sufferings, and rejection. Sometimes I get so negative that it rules my whole being but thanks to friends, prayers and some inspiration I always manage to stand up stronger. When people reject my friendship, it may be painful at the beginning but I have come to realize that it will never be my loss anyhow. When people cause me pain, I always go back and reflect on my being and ponder how I wronged this person. But I don’t dwell so much on these. They only stop the reason for my being. If they can’t accept me for what I am, then there’s nothing I can do about it. I pause and reason with myself and move on.

At 41, I have known and met friends from all over. Different personalities. Different nationalities. Different characters. Different colors. Different preferences. You give them respect. They give you back what is due you. The golden rule still applies in the 21st century.

I'm still standing with my head high...

At 41, I have been to places that others may have been to a thousand times. While the others are still reading and learning about these cities and countries in Google and Wikipedia, I have walked the streets where known writers, philosophers, scientists, and even gods played on. I have danced and pranced in the streets where Mozart wrote his masterpieces. I have breathed the air that inspired Alphonse Mucha to paint his beautiful ladies. I have crossed the Danube River a thousand times that I now feel the waltz in my body.

When I used to work for the government in the Philippines, I remember we would go back and evaluate what we have done in the first six months of the year. Probably this is where this blog is going. A monitoring and evaluation of things planned for 2010 and the things that have caused some minor or major breakthroughs or breakaways.

Most travel plans were realized. Bilbao. Amsterdam. Malta. Granada. Madrid. Segovia. Poland. Czech Republic. Austria. Slovakia. Hungary.  Deadlines were met not with ease but with great anxiety. I moved back my blog to WordPress. I said goodbye to Blogger. I finished another semester and started another. I started relearning statistics. I hated reading but I had to do it. Reading have I done with the determination to finish what I have started in 2008.

"I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down I am beautiful in every single way. Yes, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today."

Early this year, someone broke my heart. Yes, you broke my heart and you left me to myself in that dark street one cold evening in Barcelona. But I stood up and picked myself up and walked on. I just hope that you won’t pop up again and ask me out again. Never again.

In the train going to Budapest, in the most unexpected places in the world, I found someone special. I hate planning the remaining six months of 2010 but I see myself flying between here and there. I have paused and thought about this and myself is telling me now, this is it.