Meet! Meat! Mate! Me!

by Evans Yonson

(Note: This is a sequel piece of two previous entries Sounds like Gorbachev and Nirvana in a sauna. This piece contains explicit materials. Parental guidance is suggested.)

Barcelona -My fascination with the hot, steamy and carnal world started in 2006 here in Barcelona when two very good friends of mine brought me to sauna. They have fallen in and out love with the persons that they’ve met there while I became just an ordinary participant-observer. I must admit, I did enjoy being there for several hours cruising and eyeing for the next target. Like a vulture ready to plunge into a moving meat. But here, carnivores and vegans meet and match. Everyone is a vulture. Everyone is as good as the next meat or mate.

Taken from the Copenhagen City Hall Square.

On the first weekend of December, I went to Copenhagen to visit a Danish friend. Jamie, a Filipino friend based in London, flew in from the UK on the same day. We met each other at the airport. Marie, our gracious and lovely host, welcomed and showed us around Copenhagen. The Danes are hot. You could immediately see how their pupils dilate seeing Asians like me and Jamie. How I wish my eyes were blue or a bit lighter. I thought it was only me but Jamie sensed it to. He started insisting that we try the Danish sauna.

On our third day in Copenhagen, we went to Copenhagen by ourselves. We were led to a coffee shop named Oscar. Jamie was still insistent that we find a sauna. His idea was to ask anyone in Oscar for the directions and I told him to relax and find some posters or calling cards in the bar. We found a map and discovered that there are several sauna centers near the Copenhagen City Hall. We chose to go to Amigos, along Studiestraede Street. There were just about less than 10 guys when we arrived. Jamie, a self-confessed sauna veteran, went full-gear ahead and left me by myself showering naked for all the Scandinavians to see. My color is entirely different from my audience and I sensed the vultures were strategizing their attacks. Fresh meat, I thought.

Me? Meat? Mate? I went to the third floor and was cornered by a Viking. I played mouse to a bigger and stronger cat. But he was faster. He knew his way in this maze. I have must smelled blue Danish cheese as he started to focus his attention on me. I felt like I was between two burger buns and a quarter pounder with cheese pushed into a 300 degrees oven. I started to melt around his hot embrace. I could no longer distinguish his blue eyes from my brown. I shut my eyes for they were useless after all. He swept me away from Amigos to the world of the vikings. Rough and tough. Strong and mighty. The vulture has landed and devoured his meat with delight. The mouse felt so helpless and trapped by a hungry carnivore. Full and contented the vulture just flew away and ready to take on another meat. What started as 10 vultures earlier are now close to 100.

After almost two hours of waiting for another vulture to dive in, Jamie found me in a darker corner. He caught a vulture, a well-endowed Viking. He decided to take away his meat. And boy his meat looks freshly-butchered and ready to be served – medium rare. On our way home, I told Jamie that his Viking was my first vulture. Great vulture!!! For the rest of our stay, he spoke and thought about nothing else but his friend.

Some of us become the famous Hans Christian Anderson character who is violated often. But unlike the Little Mermaid, we can always say no or avoid becoming a victim of society's vultures. Or do we become vultures ourselves preying on the weak and powerless?

At the airport, Jamie and I separated ways. He was going to London and I to Barcelona. I realized that how we have become vultures ourselves in such a limited and steamy place called sauna. Meat- and mate-lovers become easy preys to each other. We take something. They take something. Just like the heat in the sauna, everything else is vapor.