Something’s lost but something’s gained
by Evans Yonson
Barcelona – I have been in Spain for more than 5 years now and there’s one person who constantly communicates with me in London. Let’s call him the Thor (not his real name). He was very gracious to arrange for my first week stay in Madrid back in 2004. He made sure that I was fetched at Barajas International Airport upon arrival because I did not know anyone in the Spanish capital. After settling down in my university residence, he came over to see how I was doing. I have visited Thor once in 2005.
I have known Thor from way, way back in the Philippines having been classmates from grade school to high school. He was very active in the extra-curricular and sports activities in school. He was a ladies-man, young, handsome, well-built, very well-endowed, and straight. He was what any young woman and any blossoming gay wanted to have a relationship with. He was picture perfect. He was the best there was. In senior high, Thor promised that I will have a taste of what the others have been wishing for.
In times like this, do we jump into the cauldron of carnal desires easily? What do we value most? Do we go for the moment? Or would we rather have a long-lasting relationship?
In summer of 2009, I went home to the Philippines and spent several weeks meeting new friends along the way. On my last days, my friends introduced Ted to me. Ted (not his real name) is young, a ladies-man, handsome, well-built, very well-endowed and straight. He is the best there is, now. He appealed to me as adventurous and ready to take a chance of having a relationship. He drinks enough to remember everything he did the night before. Our relationship was really fast. One thing led to another and another. He met my entire family. He had lunches and dinners with everyone. Some students met him and he even attended one of the seminars that I was giving at the university. We slept together for several nights. I felt thunder and lightning struck several times during those hot and steamy evenings of endless romance. I felt his feelings were genuine every time his skin touched mine. He never found it dirty and stupid to be with someone like me.
I left my city with mixed feelings of contentment and uncertainty. Contented that I met someone like Ted. Uncertain that I entered into what will eventually be a long distance relationship. Contented that I was going back to Barcelona after a very long and fruitful summer. Uncertain that a new semester was starting. But two months later, I broke up with Ted because our relationship was going nowhere. He demanded so much from the 7-hour time difference. When he was already up and about, I was still in dreamland. Just when my adrenaline would start pumping up, he was already sleeping in the Philippines. I couldn’t cope up with his insistence for constant communication.
On our last month in high school, we had a big party. It would have been the night that Thor promised me. My parents did not allow me to be in the party. Thor shared his happiness with someone else. I missed that chance for a lifetime.
In Ted, I won a trophy for conquering the best catch there is. Friends were telling me how lucky I was to have someone like him. I won but eventually lost to thousands of kilometer of distance. I hope I’ll find someone when distance is no longer an issue. I hope that someone will find time to get to know me more. Someone who will see me as Ted saw me.
In Thor, I lost that chance of a lifetime, what could have been the best f**k of my life. I had all the opportunities to etch a sexual fantasy into a reality. It would have merited several pages in my personal chronicles. I know. I know. You win some. You lose some. Yes, I lost a lot there. I won bigtime too. I lost my best f**k but in the end, I won a bestfriend.
I can feel how romantic that relationship you had with Ted while you were in the city of golden friendship. However, i know that long distance relationship won’t work out in you. I know that, but the fact is you met a genuine and intimate partner, even for just a short period of time. But we can’t deny that he is part of your life. Oh, how sweet… : )
Thanks a lot, Paz!!!!
[…] remember in 2005 when I went to visit a very good friend, Thor, in London. He asked his wife to accompany me to The British Museum, which she gladly did. But […]
Vans, nice one! I really appreciate your honesty and your being you. I salute you for that! It made me admire you even more. I may not have say this to you before but i want to let you know that you are such a nce person ever since we met. Everytime i remember our TELUN days, it makes me smile. Anyways, i wish you happiness and that you will find your true love may it be in Spain or any where. I am happy too that you found a bestfriend and i agree Thor is such a nice person too. Goodluck Vans and all the best! Miss you!
Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate it a lot.
“You win some. You lose some. Yes, I lost a lot there. I won bigtime too.”
*TRUE,TRUE,Sir.I’ve been there pud nga relationship.SEYH! It may not that intimate much but i guess guys do really come and go.But the best part there, at least by the end of the day, naa kay makataw-an na memoire together with that person.Something to remember much and IT became a part of you. haha.relate kaayo koooo.:)
Jen, life is always fair. There’s always the yin and yang of life.