Something’s lost but something’s gained

by Evans Yonson

Barcelona – I have been in Spain for more than 5 years now and there’s one person who constantly communicates with me in London. Let’s call him the Thor (not his real name). He was very gracious to arrange for my first week stay in Madrid back in 2004. He made sure that I was fetched at Barajas International Airport upon arrival because I did not know anyone in the Spanish capital. After settling down in my university residence, he came over to see how I was doing. I have visited Thor once in 2005.

I have known Thor from way, way back in the Philippines having been classmates from grade school to high school. He was very active in the extra-curricular and sports activities in school. He was a ladies-man, young, handsome, well-built, very well-endowed, and straight. He was what any young woman and any blossoming gay wanted to have a relationship with. He was picture perfect. He was the best there was. In senior high, Thor promised that I will have a taste of what the others have been wishing for.

Most relationships treat friends as lifetime commitments.

In times like this, do we jump into the cauldron of carnal desires easily? What do we value most? Do we go for the moment? Or would we rather have a long-lasting relationship?

In summer of 2009, I went home to the Philippines and spent several weeks meeting new friends along the way. On my last days, my friends introduced Ted to me. Ted (not his real name) is young, a ladies-man, handsome, well-built, very well-endowed and straight. He is the best there is, now. He appealed to me as adventurous and ready to take a chance of having a relationship. He drinks enough to remember everything he did the night before. Our relationship was really fast. One thing led to another and another. He met my entire family. He had lunches and dinners with everyone. Some students met him and he even attended one of the seminars that I was giving at the university. We slept together for several nights. I felt thunder and lightning struck several times during those hot and steamy evenings of endless romance. I felt his feelings were genuine every time his skin touched mine. He never found it dirty and stupid to be with someone like me.

It was the best while it lasted.

I left my city with mixed feelings of contentment and uncertainty. Contented that I met someone like Ted. Uncertain that I entered into what will eventually be a long distance relationship. Contented that I was going back to Barcelona after a very long and fruitful summer. Uncertain that a new semester was starting. But two months later, I broke up with Ted because our relationship was going nowhere. He demanded so much from the 7-hour time difference. When he was already up and about, I was still in dreamland. Just when my adrenaline would start pumping up, he was already sleeping in the Philippines. I couldn’t cope up with his insistence for constant communication.

On our last month in high school, we had a big party. It would have been the night that Thor promised me. My parents did not allow me to be in the party. Thor shared his happiness with someone else. I missed that chance for a lifetime.

In Ted, I won a trophy for conquering the best catch there is. Friends were telling me how lucky I was to have someone like him. I won but eventually lost to thousands of kilometer of distance. I hope I’ll find someone when distance is no longer an issue. I hope that someone will find time to get to know me more. Someone who will see me as Ted saw me.

In Thor, I lost that chance of a lifetime, what could have been the best f**k of my life. I had all the opportunities to etch a sexual fantasy into a reality. It would have merited several pages in my personal chronicles. I know. I know. You win some. You lose some. Yes, I lost a lot there. I won bigtime too. I lost my best f**k but in the end, I won a bestfriend.