Of babies and nipples.

by Evans Yonson

(Note: This entry was originally written on March 15, 2005, the day I became grand uncle to Neo, my niece’s first child. On January 7th, 2010, my niece, Tchang, gave birth to their second baby. This time it’s a baby girl and they named her Nadia. So, I decided to finish this entry and finally gave it a better touch. Here’s hoping that Neo and Nadia would grow up to read this entry in 10 years. And hopefully continue the tradition of welcoming a new member of the family, the traditional way. I love you, Yon and Yin!!!)

Barcelona – There’s comes a time when a man longs for a woman, or a woman longs for a man, to procreate. He wants her. She wants him. They start a family. But this concept is so traditional and it is so 20th century. At present, women can bear children without having any sexual contact at all. Madonna just adopted another baby. Ricky Martin gave birth to a set of twins. Call it virgin birth! Even two men now can have babies of their own. Call it scientific and legal wonders. So, wonder no more.

I have been asked, given my sexual orientation, will I prefer to grow old without anybody taking care of me later on? Are you serious about this? I mean I raise a baby for him/her to take care of me when I grow senile and old. This is an insult to my intellect and to the child’s growth. Raising that child would mean that he/she will grow up to be mre independent and even more intelligent, so what’s the point having him/her take care of me later on? My Nanay would visit me from the grave. We were simply not raised in this manner. So, why change the course?

Is having a child the new century’s must-have? I don’t think so. I know many people who aged gracefully without having raised a kid. I don’t have problems with the idea of babies. I love babies a lot. What I can’t stand is the prolonged agony of taking care of them. I know most people find it rewarding having raised their own children to the best of their abilities. I admire them. My hands up to them!

I held Tchang when she was only a day old. I racked her to sleep. We travelled together. We went to so many places when she was younger. I saw her grow up until she celebrated her 18th birthday. This is probably why she is and will always be my favorite. I mean no one can blame me if I play favorite with her because she will always be the baby that I will never have. Like I was to my Nanay. I am my Nanay’s favorite and I remember very well how she used to call me her favorite son.

Perhaps my concept of child rearing is so limited that my arguments in this blog are pointless. But any child in the family always becomes a center of attraction. We are only five siblings and I am the only who’s not married. Only two of the siblings have three children each. Only one of six children have gotten married. We are a very small family. I am used to being the center of attraction among my siblings, so why would I change that now?

Having a child of my own would limit my movements. I could not travel anymore. The baby would only hinder my personal growth, my personal ambitions. I could not take another responsibility. I could not even take care of my own self much more another small creature to nurture till adolescence. It will not be fair to my kid.

Some concerned friends asked me once if given the chance of bearing a child what would I want, I quickly answered I want the uterus of a cow or a horse. I will deliver my baby in a barn (remember, the Virgin Birth) and after few minutes my baby will start walking straight. Isn’t that wonderful? It means that I would only have one baby every 11 months (for horses) and 9 months (for cows). Some mean friends insisted that I get the pig’s uterus and have ten babies at single pregnancy of 3 weeks, 3 months and 3 days. A maximum of 30 babies in a little more than a year’s time. I said yes but then I need to grow at least 10 nipples.

Between 10 nipples and no babies. Definitely no babies, hands down!