Once a virgin, always a…

by Evans Yonson

(Note: I am writing this essay as a tribute to 80s pop icon, Madonna, and the serious thoughts that I am feeling right this moment of my life.)

I made it through the wilderness…

I arrived in Spain with nothing but memories of my past affairs behind me. There were lots of them. But mostly one night stands. I can name my serious relationships because there were few, far, and in between. One. Two. Three. Nothing lasts forever. They were seriously hitched and loyal too.

Somehow I made it through…

After every rain, the sun. At the end of the tunnel is a bright light. At the end of the rainbow is a pot of gold. I have been through life’s strongest pain but I almost always find myself learning something and triumphant in the end. You maybe hitched now but I am going to make it through the rain. You are my sun. My bright light. But will you ever be my pot of gold?

Didn’t know how lost I was until I found you…

Alone in a foreign land. Not speaking the tongue made me feel that I am a seahorse in a pond of whales. I have tried hard to find another seahorse.

I was beat incomplete. I’d been had, I was sad and blue…

Desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s time that I give myself a break. A break from the monotony of just thinking about home. Or the Philippines. Or Asia. Sometimes I would cry in the night, thinking and asking myself… Why am I here? So sad. So blue.

But you made me feel…. Yeah, you made me feel, shiny and new.

Finding you made me realize that you are another seahorse in this pond called life. You speak another language. I speak another. But we are both lost in this crazy world… And trying to know how life is thousand miles away from home. Just the mere thought of you makes me feel that I am important in this city. You make me feel so brand new.

Like a virgin.. Touched for the very first time…

This is so childish and maybe sometimes immature. But this feels makes me feel my very first time. Finding someone. Feeling for someone. Longing for someone. Thinking of someone. Someone like you.

Like a virgin. When your heart beats next to mine.

I always look forward to seeing you everyday. The view from window has suddenly changed its existence and meaning. It used to be just a plain view. Now, they are filled with colors – of blues and greens, yellows and whites, browns and violets. You are so near to me but yet so far. You have so many preoccupations in life.

Gonna give you all my love, boy…

This I guarantee you. My loyalty. My love. My affection.

My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you ’cause only love can last

I always wake up in the morning thinking of wonderful thoughts of you. Throughout the day, I fill myself of pictures of you smiling. Frowning. Your glances. Your stares.

You’re so fine and you’re mine.

This is just the beginning of an uncertain relationship. I don’t know what lies ahead. But I have reserved a space in my heart for you. That corner will always be for you. Especially for you.

Make me strong, yeah you make me bold.

Everyday is a new day. A fresh start. A new beginning. Always stronger day by day. That’s because of you.

Oh your love thawed out. Yeah, your love thawed out

I pray that this feeling would last. This we will see.

What was scared and cold.

I’m scared. But I’m warmer. Scared that you might reject me. Warmer because I feel for you.

I’ll be yours ’till the end of time ’cause you made me feel…

Because the future looks uncertain. Tropical island breeze. All of nature, wild and free. This is where I long to be…

Yeah, you made me feel, I’ve nothing to hide.

I can be yours. I can be open. Will you be mine? Will you be open? Will you ever open yourself to me?

Can’t you hear my heart beat?

Listen and you will hear. Listen intently. Look inside you and be strong.

For the very first time?

It will be my first time. Will I be yours too?